OPINION: It’s rude to ask married women when they’ll have a baby

This type of question needs to be stopped.

You’re at a family reunion. A newly married woman walks in and, almost on cue, someone asks: “O, kailan kayo magkaka-baby?”

It sounds harmless. Maybe even affectionate. In Filipino families, it can feel like the natural question after “Kailan kayo magpapakasal?”

But it’s rude—and there’s a good reason we should stop asking it.

You have absolutely no idea what is happening behind closed doors.

The woman smiling politely at you may have been trying to conceive for years. She may be undergoing fertility treatments. She may have experienced a miscarriage. She may have just received difficult news from her doctor.

And now she has to decide, in the middle of lunch, whether to tell you.

Or she may simply not want children.

Marriage does not automatically come with a baby deadline. Some couples deliberately choose to remain child-free. Others want children later. Some are still figuring it out. None of these choices requires an explanation to relatives, officemates, neighbors or acquaintances.

There’s also something surprisingly intimate hidden inside the question.

“Kailan kayo magkaka-baby?” is essentially asking people about their reproductive plans—which can involve their sex life, contraception, fertility and health. These are private matters. Marriage does not suddenly make them public information.

Money can also be part of the story. A couple may want children but know they cannot comfortably afford one yet. They may be paying debts, building careers, supporting their families or simply trying to become financially stable.

Sometimes, the issue is within the marriage itself. One partner may want a child while the other isn’t ready. Pregnancy may also carry medical risks that a woman has no obligation to disclose.

And notice how the question is disproportionately directed at women.

A married woman’s body can quickly become a topic of community conversation: Are you pregnant? When are you having one? Why are you waiting? When is baby number two?

Whatever her answer, another question seems to follow.

Curiosity may be innocent, but good intentions don’t automatically make a question appropriate.

The rule is simple: if a couple wants you to know about their plans to have children, they will tell you.

Until then, ask about the honeymoon. Ask about work. Ask about the food.

Just don’t ask what they plan to do with their uterus.

READ: