I hated a classmate for years until news about his passing came

Help exists, and reaching for it is not weakness.

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of self-harm

Back when I was in high school, I had a classmate who hated me so much he took all of my books from the shelves and threw them out the window. They got drenched with water from the aircon. He left an unforgettable pain. I hated how he tried to drag down my academic performance. I hated him for throwing away something my parents worked so hard for.

We graduated, we went to college, gone our separate ways, never seen again.

Until one day news came about his passing. He took his own life because of a broken heart.

It did not make me feel better. We were young and naive, doing things without thinking about how far they would reach. He threw my books out a window. I decided he was a bad person and left it at that. Neither of us stopped to ask why.

I thought if we were friends, maybe I could have been there for him too.

Getting your heart broken isn’t a small thing when you are that age. It feels like the whole world. Nobody tells you it passes, and even if they did, you would not believe them. I did not know what was going on with him. I only knew the version of him that made my life harder.

I am not saying I could have saved him. I do not think one friendship undoes whatever was happening inside him. But I keep landing on the same thought: he was someone’s classmate, someone’s son, someone who sat two rows away from me for a whole school year, and none of us knew.

We were kids who were cruel to each other without understanding what cruelty costs. And then one of us ran out of time to grow out of it.

Maybe that is the part worth saying out loud. Whatever it is you are carrying, you are allowed to say it to someone. It does not have to be a big announcement, and it does not have to be to a best friend. It could be a teacher, a cousin, a hotline, anyone. And if you are on the other side of it, if someone tells you they are not okay, you do not need the right words. You just need to stay.

Help exists, and reaching for it is not weakness. It is one of the harder, braver things a person can do.

If you or someone you know is struggling, the National Center for Mental Health Crisis Hotline is available 24/7 at 1553 (landline, toll-free nationwide) or 0917-899-8727.

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