Why marriage often stays between the rich and the rich—or the poor and the poor

Through assortative dating, people tend to partner with those similar in education, income, values, and work ethic.

News flash: You likely end up with someone from your class, circle, or job. Mansion meets mansion, office meets office, and batchmate meets batchmate. Pop culture loves to romanticize “opposites attract”—mansion plus barong-barong, the bad boy falling for the shy girl, and even “green” and “pink” voters somehow making their union work. But in reality, especially now, that fantasy is increasingly rare.

As everyday life gets tougher, rising costs and economic pressure shape who we actually meet and connect with. People naturally cross paths with those in similar social and economic circles, which makes marrying “up” less common than the teleseryes we grew up watching.

The biology of the familiar

But that’s just plain biology at work. It’s called “assortative mating” when people tend to partner with those similar in education, income, values, and work ethic. Rich individuals date other rich individuals because they share the same schools, workplaces, and neighborhoods; meanwhile, everyone else tends to gravitate toward partners who share their lifestyle and priorities.

In other words, “Gets kita” and “Pareho tayo ng pinanggagalingan” matter most. “Hindi nakakain ang pag-ibig” makes more sense than ever.

Even dating apps follow such a framework. Looks may drive the swipe, but it’s shared interests, values, and lifestyles that increasingly set the tone.

The death of the “upward mobility” marriage

But don’t be misled: assortative mating doesn’t mean love is calculated or forced. It usually happens through organic encounters: casual conversations, familiar circles, chance overlaps. Compatibility grows naturally because common ground already exists in the first place.

As American poet Frank Bidart once wrote, “The love I’ve known is the love of / two people staring // not at each other, but in the same direction.”

 

 

‘Hindi nakakain ang pag-ibig’ makes more sense than ever.