Creating your family by choice: Are you ready to answer the call of adoption?

Family comes in all forms—because it’s in the way you build it with the people you call your “home.”

The idea of family has changed. It’s no longer only defined by roles and lineage, but in the feelings and stories that its members have and share with each other.

In the Philippines, adoption remains a mysterious process, an option that is rarely talked about, but a path that can be taken by those who want and choose to have a family.

But taking on the responsibility of being a parent, regardless of status or relation, is not an easy or trivial one. If you have ever felt the call to take a child under your wing in a legal and permanent manner, in a vow to care for them as your own, then this may be the time to reflect on your readiness to be an adoptive parent.

Psychological capacity

Every person has an experience of trauma at some point in their lives—but this is not a factor to stop any major decisions, including having a child or even adopting one. However, undealt with and unexplored trauma—especially those that may affect one’s mental health as a future adoptive parent—needs to be addressed early on.

According to a recent study on the mental health aspects of adoption, “Parenthood is experienced positively when demands and facilitating factors are well balanced; conversely, adjustment becomes difficult when demands outweigh resources.” From the psychosocial perspective, there are two areas that future adoptive parents may want to reflect on themselves, as they prepare for adoption.

Pre-adoption psychosocial issues may involve concern with changes that will happen once the adoption takes place. Not only does this affect the parents, but also the extended family, particularly in a collectivist society like the Philippines. It can get complicated for situations where there are biological children already involved in the family.

In the post-adoption phase, typical issues that may arise involve the transitory and adjustment done once the family starts to assimilate its new members and continue forward as a unit. Some adoptive parents may also find themselves concerned with disclosing the adoption, because as their adoptee grows into the family, questions will arise, and how these are dealt with can affect how the family transitions into a unit moving forward.

Emotional readiness

Being emotionally ready to have a child—biological or otherwise—is all about finding one’s reason to be a parent. More than the lineage or the logistics of being a parent, it’s about understanding your motivation of wanting to be someone’s legal and forever guardian, which is what being a parent is all about.

Commitment is also a big factor of emotional readiness. In a time when it’s still difficult to put labels on relationships, adopting a child has the same bearing as being committed to another person—only this time, you are committed to raising a child even when the future may hold more complications.

Think of your “why” the next time the paternal pang starts to take hold. What are the reasons you have for wanting to adopt a child and build a family?

Financial resilience

“In this economy” has become a catchphrase that captures the reality of most Filipinos. It reflects the hard truth that, sometimes, even caring for oneself is already a difficult experience—more so when it comes to being responsible for your dependents.

This is also one of the reasons why the thoughts and trends behind building families have changed over time. Later marriages, even later child-bearing, and sometimes the decision to remain childless—all of these are valid and real decisions that people make. 

For those who are looking to expand their family through adoption, finances are just as big a decision as everyone else’s, if not more so. Adoption is a conscious decision to grow your family and to take on the responsibility for another person in your life. 

While no one can be truly sure of their finances (again, in this economy) having the ability to withstand and maneuver through financial challenges can be a big help.

Parental responsibility

Adoptive parents are tasked with the responsibility of creating a family that considers the child’s needs. 

According to Dr. Anna Koehle, author of the book Adoption After Infertility, “Adoption is about building a family that centers the well-being of the child, rather than fulfilling the desires of the adoptive parents.”

Oftentimes, questions that deal with uncertainty can be raised here. How the child will grow, what their emotional experiences will be like, and how to support and honor their needs in relation to their biological history—all of these may come up over the course of the adoption.

Parental responsibility may act as the foundation on which the parents can anchor and work on their expectations while also growing and learning in the parental relationship.

Being a parent truly is not just in the title, but in the work put into the relationship. Reflecting on one’s readiness may be a good first step if you find that adoption seems to be a calling in line with your vision of what family looks like.

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